She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
