Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
