i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
