Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
