Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
