is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
