I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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