I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
