Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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