I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
