My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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