your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
