I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
