it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
did i just pee glitter
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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