I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
