how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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