You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
