We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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