just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I will pee on everything he values.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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