Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
