On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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