i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
