did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
