please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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