I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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