Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
