just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
