please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
