Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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