where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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