Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
