should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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