New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
