Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
