I think I won the penis lottery.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
