i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
