I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
