margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
