i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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