Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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