Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
