I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
