I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
