look no pants
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
