somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
