i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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