I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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