ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
