I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
