My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
