you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
