What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My pussy is not your playground.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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